Therapy was scary as shit. Opening up to a stranger wasn’t hard when you knew that the said stranger would lose a lot if he or she were to blabber your secrets to anyone, but what was hard was knowing that your guardian-slash-crush’s elder brother was going to hear about everything you’ve ever felt.

Even the thought of it scared me.

I didn’t know Kai well, but he didn’t seem like the type to collect dark and dirty secrets of teenage girls.

Caspian had told me Kai had taken my guardianship so I wouldn’t feel pressurised to start a relationship with Cas, but that didn’t seem like the only reason. It wasn’t that Kai wasn’t a nice man, he just didn’t strike me as someone who would go around taking up teenage girls as his wards.

There was something else too, something that he was hiding-perhaps from Cas as well, but I had no means of finding that out, so, I stuck to visiting my therapist quietly.

Rose- that was her name, was actually pretty sweet and rather cheerful for a therapist, but I was still hesitant in opening up to her. It was an hour long session which went by smoothly, but we had barely scratched the surface of the list of problems I had by the time we were done, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t feel lighter.

Caspian drove me back home despite my suggestion to get a cab. According to him, anyone could put me in a hay sac with as much ease as it would take to kidnap a cat.

“You weigh like a hundred pounds,” he spoke teasingly.

“I wish,” escaped my lips before I could stop myself, and I instantly looked away as shame crept up inside me.

The car came to a sudden halt and the inertia kicked in like a bitch before the seatbelt pulled me back. “Cas, what-”

Before I could ask him what he was doing, he undid his seatbelt and mine before pulling me into his arms. His hands strayed from over my  back to my waist, brushing over every curve that I dutifully hated.

I pushed him away, the insecurities making it hard for me to feel his touch, before buckling my seatbelt again. “I want to go home…please,” I added, suddenly unable to breath properly.

Caspian didn’t say anything. He merely turned back to the road with a clenched jaw and drove me back home. Once we reached there, I found myself climbing rapidly to my room, and once I had, for the first time in my stay there, I closed the main door behind me and locked it before crumbling to my knees.

Tears flowed from my eyes like streams of river and I clutched my chest as it ached with pain. I rubbed a region over where my heart was and grabbed my wrist to check my pulse.

One thirty-six. Not good. Fuck.

I felt my blood pressure drop and rested my head against the wall for a second before doing the smart thing and lying down on the carpet. Blackness surrounded me from all the sides and I gave in to it instead of fighting it, knowing well that at times, all I needed was a breather that only sleep could provide.

I woke to banging on the door and sat upright as a sweet female voice came from the other side of the door, “Ms Decembers?” I recognised her as Rose, the cook.

I got to my feet and opened the door, and her cheery energy instantly made me feel better. “Hi, sorry, were you-”

She stopped herself when she analysed my face and entered the room before softly closing the door behind herself.

“Are you okay?” she asked in a hushed voice.

“I am fine,” I answered hoarsely.

“Honey…” she took my hand and walked me to my bed where she made me sit down. “What happened?” she asked me softly, concern and pity visible in her eyes.

From what Caspian had told me, Rose wasn’t actually a maid. All she did was make the bed and then lived in another room. Rose cooked food, and honestly, Rose didn’t even look like a maid. She had this elegance that made me wonder why she had started working as a maid in the first place.

“I…I don’t feel well,” I answered, the words being partially true. Sleeping with my bruised back against the floor bearing all my weight hadn’t been a particularly good idea.

“Take off your dress, I’ll apply some ointment,” she spoke, even though she didn’t look like she believed me.

I did as I was told and lied on the bed with my back facing the ceiling and soon felt Rose’s soft fingers graze my skin with some cool liquid.

She massaged lightly and I found myself giving in yet again to the sleep.

When I woke up, I was feeling like I had been through hell. Pain seized my entire body, leaving me unmovable. I felt a soft blanket against my back, and tried to sit upright but blinding pain broke through my back and creeped up to my ribs.

I fumbled through the sheets for my phone so I could call Caspian, but I realized that I must’ve left it outside.

Left with no other option, I forced myself in a sitting position, trying hard to keep myself from screaming. I reached for the drawer at my bedside and pulled out two painkillers before swallowing them dry.

I realized my mistake- skipping lunch has also led me to skipping my meds, and now, I was paying the price.

I waited for a few minutes for the meds to kick in before shakily getting to my feet. I grabbed my dress and put it in the laundry bag before making my way to shower to wash the ointments off my back.

When I returned, I found Caspian sitting on my bed, flipping through Guyton.

“Hey…” I whispered, hiding the strain in my voice.

“Hi,” Caspian greeted me with a smile. “Are you okay?”

“I am fine. What are you doing here?”

It’s his house, January.

“I…I came to help you out with biology. We never did get to finish respiration,”

“Yeah, you’re right,”

We spent the next few hours on bed- sadly not doing the activity I had in mind, and studying instead.

I did get slightly better at respiration, and did not forget the ten steps of glycolysis- I totally forgot, but by the time we were done, I felt significantly lighter, and my stomach felt significantly empty.

“Dinner?” Caspian asked when my stomach, whose pleas I had been trying to ignore for an hour, grumbled.

I nodded and followed him down to the kitchen where the food looked like it had just been made. “Careful,” Caspian warned me when I reached for it, and I took a pair of oven mitts to carry it outside.

We ate engaging in playful banter, not bringing up the events of the afternoon.

When we were done, Caspian announced that it was movie night and he let me pick a movie, which he deeply regretted in less than fifteen minutes into the film.

“What is your obsession with vampires, love?” he asked, throwing a pillow at me. I threw it right back at his face before answering,

“They are just so hot! I mean, look at them. Look at Robert Pattison!”

“I am very much straight, my noctiluca,”

“Well, you don’t have to be gay to admire a man’s body. Also, fine, if you don’t want to look at Robert, Kristen is right there! I mean, you gotta admit she’s gorgeous,”

“I think I would rather look at some other girl, who happens to much more gorgeous,” he winked in my direction, making me blush.

I threw another pillow at him and he started commenting on the movie, reminding me over and over again how absolutely ridiculous it was.

He was sort of right, but I was only watching it to gawk at Robert Pattison. I fell asleep around the time Edward had bit Bella, only to wake up the next morning at ten.

I was sleeping a hell lot cause of the pills and I hated how much o a waste of time it was.

I noticed that sadly, Caspian hadn’t taken it upon himself to change my clothes, so, I was still in my clothes from the previous day, but he had lowered the temperature and had covered me with a blanket so I would feel neither cold nor sweaty.

I got to my feet and ran a hand over my head to pat down my mess of a hair before making my way downstairs. If Cas and I were to live together, he had to see me in all my forms- the last thing I needed was him falling in love with a neat freak that I certainly wasn’t.

Suppressing a yawn, I walked to the kitchen to find someone else there.

My first thought was ‘murder’ but I reminded myself that this was not a movie and Caspian’s house was safe.

The man was in a fine suit and had neat look that for some reason screamed chaos to me, and I twisted my neck to take a look at his face.

The man noticed my movement and he turned around and I realized that I was staring at none other than Kai Grey.

My guardian.

“Hi,” he offered a warm smile which I found hard to reciprocate due to my clothing or lack thereof.

I was in one of the PJs that Bella had picked out, and it was nowhere close to decent.

“Um…hi,” I awkwardly pulled my top down, trying to cover whatever I could. His gaze lowered for a split second before resting on my face again.

“Breakfast’s ready. Would you like to eat?” I shook my head in response, not particularly keen on puking in front of him.

He nodded, sympathy evident in his eyes and I realized that my therapist must’ve told him about my anorexia, and so, I did the smartest thing: I lowered my head and fled.

I spent two hours getting ready, not to avoid Kai, of course not. Why would I avoid my guardian after all? It wasn’t as if I was embarrassed of anything.

I managed to dodge Kai for the rest of the day, and Caspian, who noticed my efforts, sort of tried to helped me out.

He kept Kai busy during lunch, but once they were done, Kai came straight to my room with a tray full of food.

“Hi,” I greeted him with an uncertain smile.

“Hello. Mind if I come in?” he asked, his voice only slightly different than Caspian’s.

“Of course, but I have already had lunch,” I lied. The last thing I wanted was to be force fed. The last time that had happened, I had started crying horribly and Daniel had to pull me away from our friends and had to take me to the bathroom to calm me down.

“I am aware. Rose told me. This is for me,” with that, he entered my room and looked at me for permission before taking a seat on the couch.

I joined him and he began cutting his food before starting to eat. “So, when can you go back to school?”

“From Monday,”

“That’s good. How’s the pain?”

“I wouldn’t know. The painkillers block it most of the time,” I answered to lighten the mood.

He gave me a full smile- a beautiful look on his face and I found myself being immediately drawn to it.

“But seriously, Jan, how are you?” he asked in a soft voice and I found myself opening up to him without resistance.

“I think I am getting better, but honestly, I don’t know. Cas has been super nice to me but sometimes I still feel so out of place. I mean, I am not his responsibility. He isn’t obliged or supposed to take care of me, and I just…I feel like a burden here,” I confessed honestly.

Kai reached out a hand to squeeze mine, and I felt oddly comfortable with his touch. The warmth made me lean towards him slightly, and made me notice the food on his tray.

It looked more like breakfast than it looked like lunch. The tray was filled with donuts, waffles, croissants, cupcakes, and whatnots, and suddenly, I just wanted sugar.

I was the kind of girl who had pre-period sugar cravings, period sugar cravings, and post-period sugar cravings- so basically, I had sugar cravings all month round, and being so near chocolate with its smell diffusing through the air and luring me like a siren luring a soldier, I couldn’t resist.

“Do you want some?” I nodded before taking a donut and dipping it in a chocolate sauce.

“This is good…” I moaned and the flavours exploded on my tongue. Chocolate. Undiluted, otherworldly, chocolate.

Kai chuckled at my reaction before eating a croissant. “Answer me truthfully, January. Have you ever only just met someone yet felt like you’ve known them your entire life?”

I turned to him, the donut still half uneaten in my hand, and looked at him- like really looked at him. There had always been something about Kai that had allured me, nothing romantic, yet something familiar.

My eyes must’ve given him the answer he needed because he offered me a small smile before saying,

“You’re not a burden, January. Not to Cas and definitely not to me. I chose to be your guardian because since the moment I first laid my eyes on you, all I have wanted is to know you more and to spend more time with you, Jan. And as for Caspian, he’s infatuated with you, and not in a creepy way. He cares deeply for you, and trust me, he loves you here. You’re not a burden to either of us, Jan,”

I smiled, my mind replying the line ‘he loves you here’ without the ‘here’. I never denied that I was delusional.

I smiled up at him feeling more at ease with being around him with every passing second.

He left after eating with me, but not before making me take my meds and putting me to sleep.

And after a long, long time, I didn’t feel the urge to puke everything out after having lunch.